connecting appearance to treatment

I just had an epiphany about how I probably shouldn't care so damn much about how I look when I'm out traveling. There is an aesthetic that I want to have, to let people know I'm a traveler, when I usually look like a hobo. people do treat you differently based on how you look, and I would like to be treated with dignity and respect.
maybe I don't care so much about how I look as much as I care about how other people think I look. I'm fine as long as I'm wearing comfortable clothing, but when you look homeless people think that you're trying to take advantage of whatever space you can versus when you look like a traveler people know that you'll be moving on so they're less likely to bother you. At least in my experience.
and those things can be very synonymous. You can try to take as much space as you can while still moving on, but when you're sitting in a place of business, it's about how the business is customers will also look at you, not j…

I'm not suicidal anymore

At first, I didn't really know what to do. Much soul-searching is required...
I will say a huge amount of the journey was changing my perspective on death and All possibilities of an afterlife, or nothing at All. but I went through a lot of spiritual things over my time in Minneapolis, and I can't say whether or not I would have had the same experiences if I had gone somewhere else or if I had left you earlier, but I can say that these experiences happened here, and there's no doubt that they helped me get to where I am now.
I'm looking forward to the rest of my life without that music playing in the background. Now it's quiet. Now I don't need to fill myself with things to distract myself from the sound. I've started leaving my smartphone at home, so the internet and all of its judgments and the Google overlords and tracking aren't following me around. I feel untethered and liberated, while having my government phone on me in case I need to call someone.…

Happy Valentine's Day!

Two of these aren't for me! The wrapped ones are gifts!

Ending friendships

I just had another break up. I'm used to relationships just fading into obscurity because people don't want to put in the effort and commitment to maintain long distance relationships. I've officially broken off quite a few friendships since I've been here. it's one thing to do it when you're a teenager and it's okay to be on again off again because you're mature, but it's definitely another thing to do it with permanency as an adult.
ending relationships is hard, and formally addressing it is harder, but I feel like it has to be done. I'm not one for obscurity, fogginess, or confusion. Things work better in my life when situations are clearly communicated. 
what happened in this particular situation is that the person called me and consider it. I do believe it was a misunderstanding because we were communicating across emails. I decided to end the friendship because I don't really understand what I did wrong... Or maybe my Boombastic nature h…

January is over!

January is such a blur. If it weren't for social media documentation in my calendar, I wouldn't be able to tell what was a dream and what was real.
 I had the New Year celebration, I saw my friends in a very high-volume, I got kicked out of the program. At some point I start to worry about my food stamps. and of course I can't forget the mirade of political drama. I fell into a spell of depression. Everything happened in such a short amount of time.

having stuff is not the same as taking care of stuff

Yesterday, the toilet got clogged and it got into a long unfaced hole that goes to the basement. Unfortunately, one housemate stuff is almost directly into that hole, in the water ran into the stuff. I told the housemate that it happened, and that they should check, and I can tell that they didn't. I know the person is here. How did I get stuck with such unwell people? How can you care about having stuff and not care about taking care of it? There's definitely something wrong with them.

Valentine's Day chocolate rose


And, it's good, too!