cutting the body shaming? cutting all the bullshit!

After some pondering a few conversations with my sex therapist, I've decided to cease attempting intercourse.

I'm also letting go of whatever idea I have of normality in a relationship. My partner isn't pressing me about it. It's something that I wanted. 

I'm also going to stop shaming myself and thinking that I'm coming from a toxic place of having some sense of "normality". It's not even about being normal. It's about wanting to experience this with someone that I love and trust, and if it's painful that means I shouldn't be doing it. Someone I love and trust and feels the same way about me wouldn't want to cause me pain, either. 

I'm doing the work to get rid of myself body shaming, and that also means getting rid of this. Getting rid of things that cause me pain because I feel like it should be normal. It's not feeding into the toxic idea of normality, it's feeding into the toxic idea that female body people should expect pain during sex - when I have been educated on otherwise.

Getting rid of body shaming and accepting my body also means accepting this. Trying to forcefully change it is only hurting me. I went into trying intercourse knowing there would be discomfort, but not knowing it was going to be THAT painful. This is abnormal, but far from the end of the world! 

Anytime we spend together is valuable, and it's about us trusting each other, being in love, and having fun together!