more awake and coherent

I want to make that post last night to bookmark the events that happened, but I know it's not written very well.

Here's some more descriptive message. And I'll start from the beginning.

a few months ago one of the housemates that was moving out sent us an email asking if they could put some of their stuff in the common areas as they move out, and brought up past housemate drama and being trans. I immediately took that I immediately took that as using trans and past trauma to get people into letting them do whatever they want. Even though that may not have been the intent, that was the impact, because I think it was very needless to add in those details about putting some boxes in the common area.

Instead of sending a short email, I sent a long one and I don't even remember everything it said. looking back, I definitely should have sent a quick current email, even though I felt like it was heartless. I sent a long email to try to express sincerity but to also get the point across that I wasn't going to be manipulated. but different housemate took that as me trying to start a fight with this person, even though there was no fight to be had. The housemate that I was directly speaking to take it for what it was, didn't put boxes in the living room, but put them in other common areas as I expressed it was okay, and moved out and that was the end of it. Soon after, I apologize for being dramatic and making accusations in the event I was wrong.

now I'm thinking that's the end of it. The person directly involved has moved on. I have moved on. The person that took it as picking a fight with talk to you about it and we discussed it, and we've moved on. Right? Wrong!

Two nights ago, that same person, brought up the email again, while trying to discuss something else completely different. They said that they've talked to me about haviours that we're making them uncomfortable, and I had agreed to change, but then I would go back to what I was doing. When I ask them to remind me of what we talked about, they couldn't bring up anything, and then changed the subject to the email. 

that makes me feel like the email characterizes me with the other housemates now, and from now on I'm just being written off as this angry person. Despite having tried to reach out to them on multiple occasions, where anger could no way be interpreted and any messages that I've sent trying to be inviting towards them. Of course I did become frustrated after being ignored on several occasions. And come to find out they're afraid to talk to me because now they have labeled me as angry.

is the completely unhealthy situation for everyone, and it's completely unfair to me. And I refuse to have something hung over my head to be used against me under unjustifiable context, like changing the subject in a conversation.

I've seen and put up with a lot. Aside from the miscommunication and being ignored there has been gaslighting among other things. But one huge issue that I've noticed that people trying to censor themselves for the sake of other people's feelings, and I've made it clear that I am not subscribed to that program. 

I may have a problem, and I can definitely take accountability for the situations that I've created or negatively contributed to. But I am not the root of the problem. That's them. The problem will still be here when I leave because they are the problem. and they're always going to be the problem as long as they're going to keep trying to push there is shoes on other people, instead of fine looking into a mirror instead of a magnifying glass.

I'm not going to take responsibility for people's feelings, reactions, or grudges. If they want to hold that email against me, that's their problem, and I'm not going to be here for it. I am going to move all the way on with my life.

money has been a huge barrier for me, and before I came to this conclusion they offered to pay for my rent at a new place. there's some other details connected to that, that I won't get into because it's not related to what I'm talking about right now. I have just sent them an email saying that I will take them up on that offer but instead of paying rent paying for my one-way travel expenses out of Minnesota. Of course, with no intent to return. It's their money, so they can choose to reject it, so I'm Conjuring up a back-up plan.