three pills a day

I've been on three pills of anti anxiety medication a day for a while now. I realize I've been dealing with anxiety for a very long time when a few nights ago I had to take a pill at 5:00 a.m. because my brain wouldn't quiet down. When I was a teenager, I was taking sleeping pills for that.

A lot of my anxiety back then came from family abuse and being bullied at school for being lgbtq. I'm one of the few to come out of that experience alive. It's also helpful to know that by now, a lot of people that believe me in school are either doing very poorly or are dead. One had to start working early because of the poor family situation, one got pregnant, and one had sickle cell anemia. 

Louisiana is also a state where people that are born there usually don't leave. If they leave they usually as far as texas. But if they leave further than Texas Arkansas or mississippi, they usually are never heard from again. Not because anything bad happened, but because they've left Louisiana behind. Louisiana has the white supremacist market cornered. Full of white male politicians pocketing most of the tax money while telling poor whites that they are still better than any given black person and there's no such thing as racism because today is white people are discriminated against for being poor, but they're discriminated against for being poor white people by Rich White people. But they don't get that part because the education system in Louisiana is so busted.

On the other hand, if I were walking around thinking that my enemies actually turned out more prosperous than I was, I would kind of feel like a failure. By no means am I rich in money (yet), but I have a wealth of knowledge that is constantly expanding and experiences that will continue to grow. I have a life to live, and most of them got so lost in the system that I'm certain that they don't. Not to say in the grand scheme of things United States is a huge ass problem, in general, for everyone, but I'm doing better then I was.