I shouldn't enjoy this - self callout

The lead housemate and I have had a lot of back and forth, and even 2 awesome friends that have come to my aid. For a while, I thought of myself as feeding off this person's misery, but now I'm thinking... is that who I really want to become?

Yeah, this person's "pain and suffering" is being triggered by being held accountable for being shitty and selfish, and that's not my problem, but I should feed off of it. It might be a mindset that I put myself into to be able to get some enjoyment out of the situation, since I'm forced to be in it anyway.

I'm glad I called myself out on needing to take a chill pill because I've caught myself going down a vindictive mindset. A place that I've been before that has shallow enjoyment, but not good for my soul. And, I don't totally rebuke that place, but I have to call enough being enough on myself, when it affects my overall mannerisms. 

Sometimes, some people truly deserve suffering. And, that includes people who try to put their personal issues and other people's personal issues up as a fornt to excuse trying to make someone feel unwelcome and trying to guilt someone about staying somewhere safe during a pandemic. But, I need to let them live in their misery,  and not try to indulge in it from any self-made moral standpoint. 

But, that does not mean I will not continue to hold people accountable. It's that enjoying punishment is when it becomes abusive. I'm going to continue to learn from others and not turn into anything like my deranged housemates.